An Interesting Life

May you have an interesting life
–Chinese Curse

First of all an apology to a certain divebomber, I’ve dropped the idea of a blog contrasting the principles of the two greatest space operas ever simply because no one else will understand the joke.. And I don’t feel like joking..

Wishes have a bad habit of coming true. Never wish for a respite from boredom. As has been said

After a time, you may find that ‘having’ is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as ‘wanting.’ It is not logical, but it is often true.
–Spock “Amok Time,” stardate 3372.7.

Now for the blog proper. As a kid I have always been an avid anime fan (anime is Japanese animation for the uninitiated), however I stumbled across this on some site.. Brought back fond memories.. Its.. er.. really educational.. Stop reading in case of extreme disgust and/or headache.

Anime Physics

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
   The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
   Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
   In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
   In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
   The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
   Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something ‘cool’ or ‘impressive’. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
   ‘Good Guys’ and ‘Bad Guys’ both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
   It takes some time for bad guys to die… regardless of physical damage. Even when the ‘Bad Guys’ are killed so quickly they didn’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
   Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10. Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
    Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a ‘Good Guy’ kicks the ‘Bad Guy’ in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
    Everything explodes. Everything.

    • First Corollary – Anything that explodes bulges first.

    • Second Corollary – Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as “The Matchstick City”.

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
    Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
    There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy ‘bulge’) before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
    The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.

    • First Corollary – Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
    No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
    The accuracy of a ‘Good Guy’ when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the ‘Bad Guys’ when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)

    Example: A ‘Good Guy’ in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of ‘Bad Guys’ firing on a ‘Good Guy’ standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

    • First Corollary – The more ‘Bad Guys’ there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

    • Second Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is faced with insurmountable odds, the ‘Bad Guys’ line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

    • Third Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated ‘Good Guy Area’, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the ‘Good Guy’ from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
    Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
    The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
    Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
    Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
    Tactical geniuses aren’t….

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
    People never notice the little things… Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
    Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

Well, did you survive that? If yes, I congratulate you and would like to cultivate your acquaintance. And don’t ask me for the link of the site where this masterpiece is swiped from.